《谁陷害了兔子罗杰》WhoFramedRogerRabbit

'who shot roger rabbit?'

(working title)

written by

jeffrey price and peter s. seaman

third draft

september 2, 1986

who shot roger rabbit?

this movie starts the way all movies should... with a

cartoon. it's not a disney or a warner's. it's not a

fleischer, an mgm, or a lanz. this is a lesser known

studio.

fade in:

on a 'maroon cartoon'

accompanied by zany cartoon music, the title card reads:

maroon cartoons present

baby herman and roger rabbit

in

'the bunnysitter'

below are two cameos of the cartoon's stars. one picture is

of a cherubic baby in a bonnet innocently posed with his

thumb in his mouth. the other is of a paunchy rabbit with a

gap between his front teeth. he has a loveable, if slightly

shell-shocked look. the cartoon begins...

baby herman and roger rabbit

are in a playpen when two female legs in high heels walk into

frame. the voice belonging to the legs talks down to baby

herman in a maternal coo.

voice (o.s.)

mommy's going to the beauty parlor,

darling. but i'm leaving you with your

favorite friend, roger. he's going to

take very, very good care of you...

(voice turns

ominous)

... cause if he doesn't, he's going

back to the science lab!

roger gulps as he watches the legs disappear. we hear

footsteps recede and a door slam. roger turns confidently

back to his charge. but the little tyke is already squeezing

through the playpen bars.

baby herman

baby bye-bye...

roger makes a dive for him, misses, and gets his head stuck

between the bars. he pleads with the baby in a voice that

resonates of huntz hall in 'the bowery boys'.

roger rabbit

hey, come back! you heard what your

mother said!

baby herman

ignores roger. we follow him as he crawls into the kitchen.

he stops to regard something that has caught his attention...

a cookie jar. it's sitting on top of the refrigerator.

baby herman

coo-kie.

roger

wearing the playpen like a pillory, comes running toward the

kitchen. but the playpen is too wide to clear the door. the

impact shattering the playpen and sends roger sprawling

across the kitchen floor. when he looks up...

baby herman

is swinging precariously on the door of the freeer.

roger rabbit

hang on, baby. i'll save you!

roger makes a desperate leap across the kitchen for the kid.

but baby herman swings the door to the freezer open and roger

disappears inside. baby herman grabs a cookie and swings

back, shutting the door. he climbs down and crawls out of

the kitchen. after a beat, the freezer door opens.

roger

now shaped like a block of ice, falls out and hits the floor.

the block shatters into ice cubes. roger looks around,

dazed.

baby herman

has taken this opportunity to crawl out the window. roger

races to the window. his eyes pop out of his head at what he

sees.

roger's pov

baby herman is crawling along the sidewalk under the shadow

of a safe being hoisted into a second floor window by the

acme safe moving company. the rope holding the safe is

fraying down to a slender thread.

roger

gasps and rockets out the window toward baby herman. the

rope snaps. the safe falls. roger arrives just in time to

pluck the baby out of harm's way. but not in time to save

himself. the safe crunches down on his head, burying roger

into the sidewalk. after a beat, roger's hand appears and

spins the tumbler. the safe door opens. inside, we see the

dazed rabbit with little tweeting birds circling his head.

voice (o.s.)

cut, cut, cut!

the cartoon action stops abruptly, but the goofy cartoon

music plays on. we begin a slow pull back to reveal that

this cartoon is being filmed live on a sound stage. the

title card sits on an easle. the female legs are paper

mache' props manipulated by two human crew members. wearily,

they lean the legs up against the stage wall. a human

director, wearing a tweed jacket and baggy pleated pants,

steps onto the set. from the equipment and the dress of the

crew, we can tell it's the 1940's. baby herman throws his

cookie down in disgust. he talks in a gravelly voice an

octave lower than wallace beery's.

baby herman

what the hell was wrong with that

take??

director

nothin' with you, baby herman. it's on

roger... again!

(over shoulder)

hey! could we lose the playback?

the music suddenly stops as, off to the side, the soundman

lifts the needle off a phonograph record. the director leans

over roger and angrily plucks one of the birds circling his

head.

director

(continuing)

what's this, roger?

roger rabbit

(sheepish)

a tweeting bird?

director

that's right, a tweeting bird. but

what does the script say? 'rabbit gets

conked. rabbit sees stars!' not

birds, stars!

baby herman

aw, for cryin' out loud, roger! i'll

be in my trailer... takin' a nap!

baby herman pulls himself up to his full height of two feet

and walks off the set. he chooses a route that takes him

under the dress of the script girl. she jumps as if goosed.

now two crew members lift the safe off roger.

roger rabbit

please, raoul. i can give you stars,

i know i can. just drop the safe on my

head one more time.

director

i've already dropped it on you

twenty-three times.

roger rabbit

don't worry about me. i can take it.

director

i'm not worried about you. i'm worried

about the safe.

continued pullback.

what we've been seeing has been from the pov of a man in a

shiny brown suit standing unobtrusively at the back of the

sound stage. under a beat-up fedora is a craggy face that's

seen a lot in its life... but apparently didn't think much of

it was funny. eddie valiant takes a jolt from a pint of

whiskey, evidently in reaction to what he's seen. he opens

his coat and returns the pint bottle to a shoulder holster

which had formerly held a .38. nerves steadied, he walks out

the stage door.

ext. maroon studio - day

valiant emerges from the stage onto a bustling hollywood

studio lot where cartoon characters (toons) and humans are

comingling as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

valiant stops by an acme novelty truck which is unloading

toon props. there are bombs, rockets, flattened pocket

watches, anvils, giant slingshots, etcetera. the license

plate is california 1946. he fishes out a pack of

chesterfields and taps out a half a butt that had been

stubbed out. as he lights it, valiant regards a chubby,

balding man wearing a three-piece suit and a worried

expression coming towards him. he is r.k. maroon, studio

boss. maroon is leading an entourage of assistants trying to

keep up.

maroon

starting tomorrow there'll be no more

roast beef lunches. what happened to

cheese sandwiches? i was raised on

cheese sandwiches.

as the assistants dutifully record his thoughts, maroon sees

a guy taking a nap in the shade of a palm tree.

maroon

(continuing)

and tell that guy sleepin' over there

he's fired!

assistant

it's your wife's brother, r.k.

maroon

(reconsiders)

oh... tell him he's promoted. but get

him out of my sight.

as the assistants disperse, maroon approaches valiant.

maroon

valiant, did you see the rabbit?

valiant

he was blowin' his lines, all right.

so what?

maroon

so what? he's already put me three

weeks behind on the shooting schedule!

now an edith head-type hustles up to show maroon several

costume designs.

costumer

your reaction, r.k.?

maroon quickly checks out the drawing.

maroon

no! that's not funny.

she flips another drawing.

maroon

(continuing)

that's funny. put a homburg on him

it'll even be funnier. huh, valiant?

he grabs the pad and shows valiant. the rendering is of a

hippo in a pink polka-dot tu-tu.

valiant

(deadpan)

yeah, that'd be a riot.

maroon responds to valiant's sarcasm with raised eyebrows.

maroon

boy, i hope what you have ain't

contagious or i'll be out of business.

he hands the pad back to the designer, who departs.

maroon

(continuing)

how much do you know about show

business, valiant?

valiant

only there's no business like it, no

business i know.

valiant watches an alligator in a rebel uniform dragging a

brace of cannons and several toadstools parade by.

maroon

yeah, and there's no business as

expensive. i'm twenty-five grand over

budget on the latest bunnysitter

cartoon and it's all because that

rabbit can't keep his mind on his work.

and you know why?

valiant

one too many safes dropped on his head?

maroon

nah, that goes with the territory.

he's a stunt bunny.

maroon takes a copy of the 'hollywood tattler' out of his

pocket.

maroon

(continuing)

here's the problem...

(reads)

'seen cooing over calamari with

notsonew sugar daddy was jessica

rabbit... wife of maroon star, roger'.

(looks up)

his wife's a tramp, but he thinks she's

betty crocker. the doubt's eatin' him

up.

valiant

so what do you want me to do?

maroon

get me a couple juicy pictures.

somethin' i can wise the rabbit up

with.

valiant

i don't work in toontown.

maroon

you don't have to. the rabbit's wife

sings at an underground toon revue

joint called the ink & paint club. you

can catch her in action there.

valiant

the job's gonna cost you a hundred

bucks.

maroon

a hundred bucks? that's ridiculous.

valiant

so's the job.

valiant starts to walk away.

maroon

all right, all right... you got your

hundred bucks.

maroon turns, snaps his fingers. his assistant appears out

of nowhere with maroon's checkbook and a pen. the assistant

turns and stoops so that maroon can write the check on his

back.

maroon

(continuing)

fifty now, fifty when you deliver the

pictures.

maroon tears the check off and hands it to valiant. suddenly

valiant ducks in reflex to a large shadow that passes

overhead.

maroon

(continuing;

chuckles)

kinda jumpy aren't you, valiant? it's

just dumbo.

above their heads - dumbo

swoops back and forth, then hovers, ears flapping like a

hummingbird.

maroon

i got him on loan from disney.

valiant

aren't you the lucky one...

valiant grabs the check from maroon and starts for the gate.

maroon

when will i hear from you?

valiant

as soon as is humanly possible.

we follow valiant out the gate under a wrought iron sign that

reads 'maroon cartoon studios'. as he starts across the road

he's almost run over by a toon roadster that roars out of the

gates. when it blasts its horn, it's the first five notes

from the woody woodpecker song: 'ha-ha-ha-ha-ha'. valiant

jumps back as the roadster passes. woody the woodpecker's

behind the wheel with a self-important smile on his face.

valiant angrily waves the cloud of toon dust away.

valiant

(coughs)

damn toons.

across the street - a trolley car

is slowing to a stop in front of the studio. it's a pacific

and electric 'red car', part of a vast system of electric

trollies that once criss-crossed the l.a. basin. valiant

steps onto the 'red car'. he reaches into his pocket to give

the conductor his nickel fare. but he comes up with a

handful of lint. he holds out the check.

conductor

what do i look like, a bank?

the conductor jerks his thumb toward the door. valiant

suffers the public humiliation,of having to step down past

the rest of the boarding passengers. he walks around to the

back of the red car where a gang of ten-year-olds are

loitering. when the bell sounds and the red car starts to

pull away, the kids make a dash for a place on the cow

catcher. valiant joins them. we hold as the red car moves

away and the street urchins regard their older partner in

crime with curiosity.

dissolve to:

a billboard sign

it reads: 'l.a.'s pacific and electric red car -- america's

finest public transportation system'. pan down to see that

the sign is on the roof of the trolley terminal. red cars

are going in and out of the shed. move in on one car

approaching the terminal from down the street. as it passes

by...

valiant

hops off his freeloader's seat on the back,

kid

so long, mister.

valiant waves laconically.

valiant

thanks for the cigarettes.

we follow valiant as he crosses the street to a seedy

bungalow. a note is push-pinned to the door.

close - note

it says: 'tomorrow's friday... well? dolores'.

valiant

takes the note and walks back across the street toward the

terminal. he climbs up a flight of stairs, heading for a bar

on the mezzanine. the bar sports a red neon sign that used

to blink, 'the terminal station bar'. but now it just says,

'terminal'.

int. terminal bar - day

the place must have been pretty swanky at the turn of the

century when it was built in the first burst of enthusiasm

over the new public transportation system. it's in the motif

of a trolley car. there's a large map on the wail above the

bar showing all the different lines. behind the bar is

dolores. if you scraped off all the makeup, you'd find an

attractive woman in her late thirties. she ministers to a

rag-tag assortment of hollywood low-lifes -- who are truly at

the end of the line.

valiant

enters this den, lets his eyes adjust for a moment, then

bellies up to the bar. he finds a spot between a one-armed

black soldier and a midget stretched out on the bar passed

out. now a trolley rumbles underneath them. the bar starts

to shake like an earthquake, the lights flicker. all the

drinkers, observing a time honored ritual, lift their glasses

simultaneously to avoid spilling any drops. even the midget

lifts his head until the trolley has passed. valiant reaches

over the bar and blind-grabs a bottle of rye he obviously

knows is there. he pours himself a shot.

valiant

hey, fellas, what's the good word?

soldier

lost my job.

an arthritic cowboy pipes up.

cowboy

mule died.

a deaf-mute scribbles a note on a pad hanging around his

neck. he hands the note to valiant. it says 'my girl dumped

me'. valiant pats him on the back, consoling.

valiant

well, you know what they say about

dames, augie...

then valiant mouths the rest of it for augie's benefit only.

augie reads his lips, then starts to roar silently, slapping

his thigh. now dolores makes her way down the bar. she

grabs the midget by the suspenders and slides him out of the

way.

dolores

so, makin' dame jokes, huh, eddie?

well, lemme remind ya pal, it was a

dame who took a hundred bucks out of

the till so your landlord would't

throw you out of your dump. and it was

a dame who trusted you for the money

when no one else in town would. and

it's a dame who's tired of waitin' for

you to straighten yourself out and get

a job!

valiant

would this be the same dame who's going

to feel awfully foolish when she finds

out i've got her money.

valiant slides the check across the bar. dolores studies it.

she calms down a little.

dolores

this is fifty bucks. i need

seventy-five before they check the

books tomorrow.

valiant

you'll have it in the morning. now be

a sport and lemme have twenty bucks to

put in my pocket.

dolores

is this paper even good?

valiant

check the scrawl.

dolores

(reads)

r.k. maroon.

now angelo, a neanderthal sitting a few stools down, is

tapping the shell of a hardboiled egg.

angelo

maroon? valiant, don't tell me you're

workin' for a toon? who's your client?

chilly willy or screwy squirrel?

angelo chuckles at his own joke and goes to eat his egg.

suddenly valiant darkens. he grabs angelo by the shirt and

pulls him up to his face.

valiant

get this straight, greaseball. i'm not

workin' for a toon! i'd never work for

a toon! got that?

valiant jams the whole egg into angelo's mouth, turns and

storms out the door. angelo sputters and spits out the egg.

angelo

what's his problem?

dolores

toon killed his brother.

ext. ink & paint club - night

valiant knocks on the door of, a non-descript building in a

run-down factory area. a speakeasy style peephole slides

open revealing the face of a toon gorilla. valiant offers

the password.

valiant

walt sent me.

the peephole slides closed and after a beat the door swings

open.

int. club

the gorilla, dressed in a tux, gives valiant the once over.

valiant resents the assessment.

valiant

like your monkey suit.

gorilla

wise ass...

we follow valiant down the hall toward the main room. we can

hear laughter and zany music from within.

int. main room

when valiant steps through the doorway, we see the place is

no dive. it's a white tablecloth nightclub on a par with the

el morroco or the garden of allah. behind the bar a

caterpillar bartender is using his many arms to shake and

pour several drinks at once. meanwhile a dozen penguin

waiters are gliding back and forth along the tables serving

drinks to the well-heeled crowd.

on stage

donald duck and daffy duck are seated opposite each other at

matching grand pianos. what begins as a decorous duck duet

on a tchaikovsky piece (complete with knuckle-cracking,

seat-spinning preparations) quickly accelerates to a loony

game of one-upsmanship between these two irascible ducks.

there is keyboard stomping, lid-banging, piano wire plucking

zaniness.

the audience

is howling. people are wiping the tears from their eyes

they're laughing so hard. all except...

valiant

he lights a cigarette impassively, not humored by the toon

hijinx. he spots an empty table off to the side and makes

his way towards it. a silly geezer in a loud suit is at the

next table. the geezer nods to him soberly as valiant pulls

out the chair and sits down. a loud flatulence sound erupts

from under valiant. the geezer slaps his thigh with the

hilarity of it all.

geezer

will you listen to that? it's a pip!

i'm thinking of callin' it a whoopee

cushion.

valiant reaches under himself and comes up holding a deflated

rubber bladder. the geezer retrieves it from him.

geezer

(continuing)

no hard feelings, i hope. put 'er

there...

the geezer grabs valiant's hand before he can say no. we

hear a buzz. valiant retracts his hand as if shocked. the

geezer howls with laughter and turns his palm to eddie.

geezer

(continuing)

hand buzzer... real gasser.

valiant rolls his eyes and grabs a penguin as it glides by.

valiant

scotch.

penguin

there's a two drink minimum.

valiant

just as long as there's no maximum.

geezer

waiter, i'll sign my check now.

the penguin puts a bill down on the geezer's table and zips

off. the geezer takes a fountain pen out of his jacket and

writes on the bill. but there doesn't seem to be any ink

coming out. he shakes and shakes the pen to get it flowing.

it flows all right. ink splatters all over valiant's shirt

and pants. valiant looks down at the stain, doing a slow

burn. the geezer starts laughing. valiant jumps up and

grabs him by the lapels.

valiant

that's it for you, pops!

geezer

(freaked)

calm down, son. look, the ink is gone.

valiant looks down at his shirt. the stain is gone.

geezer

(continuing)

see? it disappears.

valiant

well, why don't you make like the ink?

valiant drops him into his chair and returns to his seat.

the penguin glides up with his drinks. valiant swallows the

first one with one quick jerk of the head.

on stage

donald and daffy's piano competition has reached a crescendo

of mayhem. they've got the axes out, and in time with the

music they reduce their pianos to matchsticks. at the

completion of the piece, they step to the front of the stage

and with great decorum, arms around each other, they take

their bows. the curtain comes down to great applause. we

hear sfx of crashing and bashing backstage. now from behind

valiant, we hear a familiar high-pitched voice.

cigarette girl

cigars... cigarettes... eddie?

valiant turns to see betty boop standing with a box of

tobacco wares strapped around her neck. in contrast to all

the other toons, betty's in black and white.

betty boop

(continuing)

gee, it's swell to see you, eddie. we

miss you in toontown.

valiant

wish i could say the same. what're you

doin' here, betty?

betty boop

work's been slow for me since the

cartoons went to color. but i still

got it, eddie...

(sings)

'boop boop be-doop'.

valiant

yeah, you still got it, betty.

(indicates

geezer)

who's mr. jocularity?

betty boop

(leans in)

that's marvin acme, the gag king.

valiant

shoulda guessed.

betty boop

he comes here every night to see

jessica rabbit.

valiant

big on the musical comedy, huh?

betty boop

sounds like you ve never seen her,

eddie.

now the lights dim and betty moves on.

on stage

the dour droopy walks out with the spotlight following him.

he's the evening's emcee.

droopy

(deadpan)

hello, everybody. i hope you're all

having as much fun as i am. i have a

small announcement to make. jessica

rabbit will not be able to sing

tonight.

there's a roar of disapproval from the men in the crowd.

they shower him with debris.

droopy

(continuing;

deadpan)

i was merely jesting. without further

ado... here's woman times two,

toontown's own chanteuse par

excellance... jessica rabbit!

there is excited applause as the lights dim. a toon combo

made up of crows in shades strikes up the intro to the smokey

song, 'why don't you do right'. a spotlight hits the

curtain. now a curvaceous leg pokes out, teasingly. the

crowd goes wild as the rest of the body belonging to the leg

emerges. jessica rabbit is a generously endowed red-headed

bombshell. she's a humanoid toon... in her case, more

beautiful than human. her figure is testimony to what a guy

can do with a pencil and a fertile imagination,

reaction - valiant

this is not quite the bunny he expected roger to be married

to. his jaw drops. and his reaction is mirrored all around

the room. the men are panting so hard you couldn't keep a

match lit.

closeup - jessica

as she steps to the mike.

jessica rabbit

(sings)

'you had plenty of money back

in '22

you let other woman make a fool

of you

why don't you do right.

like some other men do...

get out of here and

get me the money too...'

jessica takes the mike and comes off the stage. slinkily.

she wanders among the tables, teasing the men as she goes.

now there's a howl from behind valiant. a tex avery type

toon wolf, who came masquerading as a human, couldn't help

but show his true colors at the sight of jessica. he howls

as if it were a full moon. his tongue rolls out of his head

and piles up on the floor like so much clothesline. his

eyeballs telescope out of his head. and finally, the wolf

levitates and snaps rigid like an open jacknife. as the wolf

makes a rush for the stage, the gorilla bouncer grabs him by

the suspenders. the wolf, legs spinning madly, practically

knocks valiant's table over as he grabs at jessica. but the

wolf has come to the end of his suspenders. he snaps back

toward the gorilla who is holding an anvil in front of the

suspenders. clang! the wolf hits the anvil and slides to

the floor. the gorilla calmly whisks him into a dustpan and

carries him out.

jessica

like all good saloon singers, has continued her act

undaunted.

jessica rabbit

(singing)

'why don't you do right.

like some other men do...'

she sashays over to the geezer's table. teasingly, she

swirls the whisps of white hair onto his head into a dairy

queen. he giggles gleefully and makes a grab at jessica.

but she slips out of his grasp like mercury.

jessica rabbit

(continuing)

'you ain't got no money

ain't got no use for you...'

now jessica works her way over to eddie. she stops at his

table and sings tauntingly. then with a flourish, she throws

herself in his lap, and belts out the finale.

jessica rabbit

(continuing)

'so get out of here...

and get me the money toooo!'

there is raucous applause when she finishes. jessica looks

deep into eddie's eyes.

jessica rabbit

(continuing)

thanks for your lap.

before eddie can reply, she jumps off, and slinks offstage,

leaving eddie a pile of human wreckage. valiant slugs the

rest of his drink down to put out the fire in his libido.

when the lights come up, valiant looks over to where acme is

slicking down his eyebrows and patting his hair down. he

stands, picks up a bouquet of roses from the chair beside

him, and as he passes valiant's table, gives him a big wink.

valiant watches acme disappear backstage. he stands, drops

a couple bucks on the table, and follows after him.

backstage

valiant steps past the curtain, keeping a discreet distance.

he follows marvin acme down a corridor and around the corner.

acme stops and knocks on a dressing room door. after a

moment, it opens and acme goes inside. valiant checks over

his shoulder, but the backstage area is empty. he eases over

to the door and puts his eye to the keyhole.

pov through keyhole

jessica is seated at her dressing table. acme is on his

knees next to her, kissing his way up her gloved hand, eyes

closed in ecstasy. jessica takes her hand out of the glove

and starts combing her hair, leaving marvin kissing a

suspended toon glove.

angle on valiant

while he continues his peeping. the gorilla bouncer sneaks

up behind him.

gorilla

hey, whaddaya think you're doin',

chump?

valiant

who're you callin' chump, chimp?

the gorilla smiles sadistically when he recognizes valiant.

gorilla

oh, it's da comedian...

the gorilla grabs valiant by the belt and lifts him off the

ground. he opens the fire door and heaves valiant out.

ext. alley - night

valiant comes flying out the door and crashes into a bunch of

garbage cans in the alley. the gorilla stands in the doorvay

regarding the dazed valiant.

gorilla

and don't lemme catch your peepin' face

around here again. got it?

valiant

ooga-booga.

the gorilla slams the door. valiant picks himself up out of

the garbage. he brushes himself off, then starts down the

alley toward the rear of the building. we follow him around

the corner where he stops under jessica's dressing room

window. he drags over a milk crate to stand on, takes a

small camera out of his pocket and opens the bellows. he

stands on the crate and aims the camera through the corner of

the window, as we hear the muffled conversation from within.

acme (o.s.)

are we going to play pattycake tonight?

jessica rabbit (0.5.)

marvin, i have a headache...

acme (o.s.)

(hurt)

but you promised...

jessica rabbit (o.s.)

oh, all right. but this time take that

hand buzzer off...

valiant's eyes widen in disgust.

valiant

jesus christ...

as he starts clicking pictures...

cut to:

ext. maroon studio - late night

there's one light on in the administration building.

int. maroon's office - night

it's a large art deco office with walls covered with photos

of maroon and various celebrities, human and toon. r.k.

maroon is seated behind his desk. standing nearby is

valiant. they are both regarding a hysterical roger rabbit,

who's holding a set of 8 x lo glossies. he's wailing and

crying, toon tears flooding off him in a torrent.

roger rabbit

pattycake! pattycake!

valiant

baker's man... but no use ruinin' a

good pair of shoes over it.

angle on rug

roger's tears have formed a puddle around the desk. valiant

lifts a well-worn oxford and shakes the water off it.

maroon

hands roger his handkerchief. roger aah-oo-ga's his nose.

maroon

take comfort, son, you're not the first

man whose wife played pattycake on him.

roger rabbit

i don't believe it. i won't believe

it.

maroon

the pictures don't lie. mr. valiant

here took them himself.

roger takes another look at the pictures.

close - photos

they're shots of jessica rabbit and marvin acme seated knee

to knee, caught in the act of slapping palms... really

playing pattycake.

back to scene

maroon gets up and crosses to a bar table set up by the

window. he pours a drink from a crystal decanter as roger

starts sobbing again.

roger rabbit

but jessy... she's the light of my

life, the apple of my eye, the cream in

my coffee...

valiant eyes the booze longingly as he mutters to himself.

valiant

well, you better start thinkin' about

drinkin' it black.

maroon

frankly, i'm shocked. marvin acme's

been my friend and neighbor for thirty

years.

maroon gestures out the window. we see a blinking neon sign

on the roof of the building across the street -- 'acme - if

it's acme - it's a gasser!'

maroon

(continuing)

who would have thought he was the sugar

daddy?

maroon turns and carries the drink to roger. meanwhile,

valiant sidles over to the bar to help himself.

maroon

(continuing)

well, the important thing now roger, is

to put all this behind you.

(hands him

drink)

drink this, son, you'll feel better.

roger takes the glass and shoots it down in one gulp.

maroon

(continuing)

i know this all seems painful now, but

you'll find someone new. won't he, mr,

valiant?

eddie has just picked up the decanter to pour one for

himself.

valiant

(over shoulder)

oh, yeah. good lookin' guy like him.

dames'll be breakin' his door down.

close - roger

the booze is taking its effect. there's a rumble like a

volcano about to erupt. suddenly roger's head turns into a

toon steam whistle shrieking. the high pitch causes glass

objects in the room to shatter... including the crystal

decanter that valiant's holding in his hand. it explodes,

soaking his suit with booze. valiant looks down at the

damage, completely exasperated.

valiant

son-of-a-bitch...

(turns)

mr. maroon, i think i'll be goin' now,

so about the rest of my fee...

maroon

sure, valiant, sure...

maroon sits at the desk and writes a check.

maroon

being experienced in these matrimonial

matters, you have any advice for our

friend here?

valiant crosses to the desk and takes the check.

valiant

my advice? hop on over to reno, get

yourself a quickie divorce.

roger rabbit

divorce? never!

suddenly roger jumps onto maroon's desk and grabs valiant by

the lapels.

roger rabbit

marriage is a two-way street and we're

just experiencing a detour! jessica

and i are going to get back together.

we're going to be happy! h-a-p-p-i!

roger zips off the desk and crashes out the window, leaving a

rabbit outline in the glass... backlit by the blinking acme

sign. maroon and valiant walk to the window and look out the

rabbit-shaped hole in the window.

valiant

at least he took it well.

int. valiant's bungalow - close - empty booze bottle - early

morning

pull back to reveal the bottle's on the floor next to the

couch valiant's passed out on. he's still dressed in his

clothes. pan the small studio apartment. in the

kitchen/alcove, valiant has created a makeshift darkroom. we

see a curtain on a clothesline. various trays, and some

pictures clipped up on clothespins. the pictures depict

jessica rabbit and marvin acme in various states of

pattycake. now there is loud pounding on the door. but it

doesn't break through valiant's subconscious for several

seconds. finally, he rouses, gets up and walks a crooked

line to the door. valiant opens it and squints into the

excruciating sunlight. when his eyes focus, reveal a

hang-dog police detective holding eddie's morning paper.

valiant

lieutenant santino... how ya doin'?

santino ignores the question and regards valiant with a

mixture of disgust and pity.

lt. santino

tell me you didn't do a snoop job for

a toon named roger the rabbit.

valiant

that's what you woke me up for?

santino flops open the morning paper. valiant's eyes narrow

as he reads it. the headline screams: 'toon kills man!' and

underneath: 'marvin acme murdered at the hands of jealous

rabbit'. santino throws the paper on the sofa.

lt. santino

you got trouble, eddie.

ext. acme factory - day

an l.a. police car turns into the yard of the acme factory

and pulls up in front of the old factory building. there's

all kinds of official activity in the yard... cop cars, a

coroner's truck, etcetera.

valiant and santino get out of the police car. santino

starts into the factory. but he realizes valiant's not

following him. he turns to see valiant looking over the wall

behind the factory, transfixed.

lt. santino

now what?

valiant

just haven't been this close to

toontown for awhile.

valiant's pov

the sky above the wall is a different color, a little bit

more vibrant, a 'toon blue', you might call it.

santino

walks back and takes valiant's arm.

lt. santino

let's go, somebody wants to see you.

santino leads valiant into the factory.

int. factory - day

it's a large warehouse filled with stacks of toon gags,..

boxes of dynamite, giant slingshots, boulders, everything

you've ever seen in a roadrunner cartoon. santino stops

where a large black safe is imbedded at a cockeyed angle in

the floor. a forensic team is at work around the safe.

they're chalking the outline around a body half obscured by

the safe.

lt. santino

they say the rabbit got the safe idea

from a cartoon he was makin' the other

day.

valiant

what a gasser.

lt. santino

wait here...

santino walks to acme's glassed office where a sobbing

jessica rabbit is being interrogated. we can only see her,

not the person doing the interrogating. valiant sidles over

to where the forensic guys are dusting the photographs he had

taken for prints. one of the forensic guys looks up from his

work.

forensic #1

say, didn't you used to be eddie

valiant?

valiant ignores the slings and arrows and surveys the scene

of the crime. the door of the safe is ajar. valiant tries

to look inside. forensic #2 closes the door with his knee.

now we hear the voice of jessica rabbit from behind them.

jessica rabbit

mr. valiant?

valiant turns to the voice. whap! jessica slaps him hard

enough across the face to make his head turn.

jessica rabbit

(continuing)

i hope you're proud of yourself.

she turns on her heel and storms off, sobbing into a

handkerchief. valiant, rubbing his jaw, looks after her. so

do the forensic guys.

forensic #1

she likes you, valiant.

forensic #2

(low wolf

whistle)

when they drew her, they broke the

pencil.

now two white-jackets from the coroner's office start to

carry acme out on a stretcher. as they pass valiant, a hand

still wearing a hand buzzer flops out. valiant grabs it --

stopping the stretcher.

valiant

makes you wonder what in the world she

was doin' with a guy who didn't clean

his fingernails.

close - hand

imbedded under the fingernails is a reddish-brown substance.

forensic #1

so... it's blood.

valiant

peels a piece of it off... it chips and falls to the ground.

he squats to examine it.

valiant

it's not blood, it's paint.

suddenly the end of a cane comes down on valiant's hand,

pinning it to the floor. valiant follows the cane up to it's

gavel-shaped head -- past black pants, a black robe, to a

cadaver-like complected face, and a large hooked proboscis.

the head is shaved. rimless tinted glasses obscure the eyes.

although he's human, the total appearance is frighteningly

vulture-like. judge doom is accompanied by santino.

doom

is this man removing evidence from the

scene of a crime?

lt. santino

(deferential)

uh... no, judge doom. valiant here was

just about to hand it over, weren't

you, valiant?

doom

i'll take that.

doom takes his cane off eddie's hand and reaches out for the

paint chip. valiant palms a piece and drops a smaller piece

into doom's hand. doom examines it.

doom

(continuing)

looks like the deceased grabbed a

handful of your client's pantaloons,

mr. valiant.

valiant stands to face the judge, who towers over him.

valiant

he's not my client. i was workin' for

r.k. maroon.

doom

yes, we talked to mr. maroon. he told

us the rabbit became quite agitated

when you showed him the pictures, and

said nothing would stand in the way of

him getting his wife back. is that

true?

valiant

hey, pal, do i look like a

stenographer?

lt. santino

watch your mouth, eddie, he's a judge.

doom smiles thinly at valiant, tarns and walks with purpose

towards the door. santino and valiant follow.

doom

the rabbit's movements are fairly clear

after leaving the maroon studios. he

ran across the street, jimmied this

door open, hoisted the safe on a block

and tackle...

ext. acme factory

doom leads them outside and indicates a window.

doom

... then stood out here waiting for his

prey. after he cold-bloodedly

accomplished his task, he went home.

he was almost apprehended there by my

men.

doom nods his head toward a group of sinister weasles (a la

disney's 'wind in the willows'). they're loitering by a

dogcatcher's wagon with 'toontown control' on the side,

cleaning their fingernails with switchblades and polishing

toon revolvers.

valiant

men? they look more like weasles to

me.

doom

yes, i find that weasles have a special

gift for the work.

(turns back to

valiant)

the rabbit didn't contact you by any

chance, did he?

valiant

why would he contact me? i just took

some lousy pictures.

doom

so you wouldn't have any idea where he

might be?

valiant

have you tried walla walla? kokomo's

very nice this time of year.

doom steps into valiant's face.

doom

i'm surprised you aren't more

cooperative, mr. valiant. a human has

been murdered by a toon. don't you

appreciate the magnitude of that? my

goal as judge of toontown, has been to

rein in the insanity. to bring a

semblance of law and order to a place

where no civilized person has ever been

able to step foot.

the only way to do that is to make the

toons respect the law.

suddenly a 'ya-ha-hooey' interrupts his pontification, as a

scruffy little toon gopher comes hurtling over the wall from

the toontown side. he's holding his blackened rear end...

apparently the result of a run-in with a stick of dynamite.

bonk! the gopher hits doom in the back of the head, sending

them both sprawling. the gopher picks himself up and shakes

off the effects of the concusion. when he sees who he's

knocked down, he panics.

gopher

(petrified)

judge doom! here, let me get that for

ya.

he whips a clothes brush out of his back pocket and furiously

tries to clean the judge's cloak. doom picks up the gopher

by the scruff of the neck and gets to his feet.

doom

why, you filthy little vagrant, you've

soiled my robe!

gopher

it's cleanin' up real good. judge.

doom

you've defiled a symbol of justice.

as doom carries the gopher to the 'toontown control' wagon,

valiant shoots a look to santino.

valiant

(aside)

where'd this gargoyle come from anyway?

lt. santino

no one knows. he bought the election

a few years back. he's been rulin'

toontown ever since.

when doom gets to the wagon, the weasles open up the back.

in place of steel bars is a stream of fluid. a weasle turns

a key and the flow of liquid stops. the gopher starts

kicking furiously, trying to avoid the lock-up.

gopher

oh, no, judge, please, please, lemme

go. i think i hear my mother callin'

me.

finally, the gopher breaks free and makes a desperate dash

for the wall. doom watches him run and calmly turns to where

his car is parked. it's a black lincoln touring car with an

ugly bird-like hood ornament.

doom

voltaire... the gopher!

suddenly. the hood ornament squawks to life. it's a hideous

toon vulture. the vulture flaps into flight.

just as the gopher is about to make it over the top of the

wall the vulture's talons sink into his rear end and lift him

airborne. the vulture drops the gopher off with the weasles.

they pin him down.

gopher

hey, don't i have any rights?

doom

yes, you do... to a swift and speedy

trial.

one of the weasles retrieves a briefcase from the sedan, puts

it on the hood and snaps it open. twelve toon kangaroos pop

up, arranged in a jury box.

doom

(continuing)

court is now in session.

he raps the gopher on the head with the gavel end of his

cane.

doom

(continuing)

the defendant is charged with vagrancy,

assault and resisting arrest. how do

you find him?

the kangaroo court delivers the verdict instantly. twelve

little kangaroos pop up out of their momma's pouches, holding

up small cards, each with a letter spelling y-o-u a-r-e

g-u-i-l-t-y.

doom

(continuing)

guilty as charged. case closed!

doom slams the briefcase shut. he turns his attention back

to the gopher.

doom

(continuing)

i hereby sentence you to the dip!

gopher

oh no, not the dip! anything but the

dip! i'm too young to die...

as the judge pulls on a black rubber glove, the weasles take

out a stainless steel tub wheezing with sadistic glee. they

fill it from a spigot on the truck.

valiant

what's with the dip?

lt. santino

that's how he gets rid of the

troublemakers. it's a combination of

acetone, turpentine and paint remover.

he calls it the... final solution.

the gopher

is wriggling and screaming bloody murder as doom lifts him up

and holds him over the tub. then, as he's lowered into the

solution, he starts to disappear. his pathetic screams are

snuffed mid-yelp.

gopher

help! help! he...

the gopher's gone. all that's left of him is a paint slick

on the surface of the liquid.

valiant

jesus.

doom pulls off the black rubber gloves finger by finger and

hands them to a weasle. he turns to valiant.

doom

they're not kid gloves, mr. valiant.

but that's how we handle things in

toontown. i would think you'd

appreciate that.

he gets into his car, he pauses and looks back at valiant.

doom

(continuing)

after all, didn't a toon kill your

brother?

int. terminal bar - day

dolores is behind the bar cutting lemon peels and preparing

for the day's bartending. there's one early customer, a

grey-haired trolleyman in his red car uniform. his hat's on

the stool next to him and he's already drunk. the door

opens. it's valiant. he walks over to the bar, reaches for

a bottle and a shot glass and helps himself. dolores picks

up a copy of the morning paper.

dolores

hey, eddie, looks like you really

stepped in it this time.

valiant

what are you complaining about? here's

your fifty bucks.

valiant slides the check across the bar.

trolleyman

(mumbling to

himself)

thirty-five years and all i got to show

for it is a ticket punch.

valiant

what's with earl?

dolores

a new outfit bought the red car. some

big company called cloverleaf

industries.

valiant

no kiddin'? bought the red cars, huh?

dolores

bastards put him on notice.

valiant picks up his glass. lifts it in toast to the

trolleyman.

valiant

here's to the pencil pushers. may they

all get lead poisoning.

now the trolleyman unsteadily climbs up on his stool to get

close to the holy grail... the red car route map over the

bar.

trolleyman

(wistfully)

the old number six line... who'da

thought they'd close that one down?

dolores

eddie, get him down from there. he's

gonna break his neck.

eddie grabs earl around the legs and throws him over his

shoulder like a sack of potatoes. he carries him over to a

booth and puts him down carefully, covering him with a

tablecloth.

trolleyman

took you right to toontown, it did.

valiant

i know, i know... poor s.o.b.

valiant walks back to his drink at the bar.

dolores

do you think the rabbit did it?

valiant

i don't wanna think. i wanna drink.

voice (o.s.)

make that a round.

valiant and dolores look down the bar, but there's no one

there. finally the familiar cowlick of baby herman rises to

the top of the bar as he clambers up a barstool.

dolores

we don't serve formula. snookums.

baby herman

you serve martinis, doncha?

dolores

yeah...

baby herman slides his baby bottle down the bar to dolores.

baby herman

make it dry. baby doesn't like to be

wet.

(to valiant)

you're valiant, right? the name's baby

herman.

valiant

i know who you are. kinda out of your

neighborhood, aren't you?

baby herman

yeah, i had to