演讲稿：Don’t go to the Murk

亮叔

don’t go to the murk

i had always thought myself tough, one of the people who could survive if i’d been sent to the barren island without water and food.

in my past 24 years, i suffered a series of physical losses, even suffered a terrible traffic accident 5 years ago which made me lied in the hospital about 3 months.but i didn’t cry, i didn’t care, i didn’t fear, and went through the hard time intact with a peace and strong heart.

i always impose myself as the x-man, wolverine, who can recover quickly after any injuries. dear friends,this is murk, lastyear, i lost my super power, and go to the murk.

i have broken up the 6 years relationship with my girlfriend, i drop into a deep sadness, andit seems i lost all of my vitality, i don’t want to eat, i don’t want to talk, idon’t want to sleep. one day, i wake up from my bed,i found that i am also scared to get out of the bed even half year past afterthe separation. i don’t know what the problem is, i wish i did, but i don’t,but i think, i think i am not so tough as i think, i think maybe i am not the people who can survive in the barren island without water and food, i think i am the man murk should go to the murk.

3months later, i also felt terrible, and i also realize that it is depression.

yes,i suffer from depression. you may say, wow, are you kidding me? murk! （in your imagination i am the person like this, 2 but the depression is like this,）andthat's also ironic to me, but i accepted, i accepted that i am not good even the sadness of the broken passed more than half years.

see,somebody might fear snake, somebody might fear his boss, somebody might fear to take a speech in the public like what i am doing now, but for me, i fear separation,i fear lost, i fear my vulnerability, and that fear made me feel like i was weak! it’s very hard to say i am weak as a man, so i accepted it and hide it, i accepted it and hide it, it’s a sensation of being afraid all the time, but not even knowing what it is that iam afraid of. that’s the depression, the depression i suffered.

todayi would say i am appreciated of myself in that time, because i struggled against my depression bravely. i don’t know why but i did. so i tried someways, read the depression related books, practice yoga, see comedy movies,,,

buti tell you the truth; all of them are completely useless. finally, one day i wasvery hungry and i cook some spaghetti for myself. take a guess, what happen?

ifelt good and comfortable unprecedentedly when i was cooking, and that feeling made me feel like i was forced into a garden with the flowers with wind with sunshine, but without depression.

wowa,it seems i found the effective way to break down the depression. so i kept cookingevery day. i am creating a world belongto myself with the rice, with the vegetable, with the seafood, with the taste,but without the depression. fortunately, i felt better and better, and more, fortunately, my cooking was also getting better and better.

now, to be totally honest, i would like tostand here to say and to talk about the depression i suffered, partly said, becausei passed, i passed the sadness under my smile, passed the dark under my light,passed the pain under my personality, passed the vulnerability under my strongheart. in a lot of ways i am grateful my experience, yeah it's put me inthe low, but only to show me there's peaks, and yeah it's dragged me throughthe murk but only to remind me there is light.

butfor someone who is suffering, it’s very hard for them to talk about, i knowbecause the depression, it’s not happy, it’s not funny, it’s not light, andit’s not positive. we are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking downother than our brains and so, so, so caring of any physical health other thanthe mental health which we can’t see it.

well,let me start to show you some parts of the shadow. whatever you are sufferingor you have experienced depression, however you hated being depressed, youshould know that it’s ok, the depression is okay, and know that you are not weak, but sick,it’s not a personality label but a psychologicalissue. once you passed, you can see what the depression really is, the fear,the ridicule, the vulnerability, all of them are the part of your life, justpart of yourself. that's a natural human character. we're people. the truestrength doesn’t mean never showing any weakness because we're people, and wehave problems. we're not perfect, and that's okay. shutting up the depressionstrengthens it, while you hide from it, it grows, but if you are able totolerate the fact, finally you will find a way to break down the depression,because it will force you to find and cling to joy.

so, we need to stop the shadow, stop the numbness, stop the silence, and takeaway the taboos, to take up your vitality, to speak out the situation what youare suffering. and more than anything, learn to love ourselves, learn to acceptourselves for who we are, the people we are, not the people others want us tobe.

if you are suffering from depression and don’t know how to do firstly, maybe youcan learn from me, just do what you want to do and have fun in it.

ladies and gentleman, this is murk,from the murk.