英文简历中不能说的话

致命的大错： “finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10.” “qualifications: no education or experience.” “i am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy.” “my compensation should be at least equal to my age.” “reason for leaving: it had to do with the irs, fbi and sec.” “fired because i fought for lower pay.” “size of employer: very tall, probably over 6'5” “please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date.” “reason for leaving: my boss said the end of the world is near.” “reason for leaving: the owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' i prefer to elaborate privately.” 打字错误与语法错误： “here are my qualifications for you to overlook.” “strengths: ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.” “i am a rabid typist.” “work history: performed brain wave tests,1879-1981.” “after receiving advice from several different angels, i have decided to pursue a new line of work.” “accounting cleric.”

“as indicted, i have over five years of experience analyzing investments.” “suspected to graduate early next year.” “disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.” “proven ability to track down and correct erors.” “accomplishments: oversight of entire department.” “am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.” “accomplishments: completed 11 years of high school.” 不应有的幽默： “note: keep this resume on top of the stack. use all others to heat your house.” “assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting.” (translation: short-order cook.) “but wait...there's more. you get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.” “i have an excellent track record, although i am not a horse.” “my fortune cookie said, 'your next interview will result in a job'-and i like your company in particular.” “title: another resume from the 'profiles in excellence' series.” “also known as: mr. productivity, mr. clever, mr.fix-it.” “trustworthy references available upon request-if i give them a few bucks.” “let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience.”